The Nasty Bastard Mr. Noah Webster defines middle as: Equally distance from the extremes or outer limits.
Scientists suggest that those of us born into the free love sixties and swinging seventies are likely to live to be around 100 years old, (damn, that sounds really old!). This isn’t to suggest that we live a healthier lifestyle than those before us, although martinis and Camel straights at lunch are out of fashion. Oh, how I pine for the good old days! It is simply a fact that we are suppose to live longer. Who knows how enjoyable and productive the last 20 years of a 100-year life will end up being, but we’ll still be around. No matter how you look at it and like it or not, many of us will make it there.
Quite frankly, I awoke one day in my mid-thirties and realized I was still around. While in my late teens and early twenties I never expected to see my mid-thirties–that was really old–let alone anything after that. My mind’s eye had never seen myself as old or middle-aged, or achy or tired. I had lost my best friend to cancer when we were 18 and for many years I always figured I had to live twice as hard to make up for it. As a result of this well thought out and considered lifestyle, I mastered the fine arts of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Jim Beam, Camel straights and hand-rolled smokes. Because of this mastery I eventually came to a crossroads of either going pro as a drunk or retiring from these fine debaucherous arts all together. I retired from these pursuits and now endeavor to find new and more productive vices. This is why I write. Sounds dramatic doesn’t it? Boozing was easier.
Living with this realization that I was still around and dealing with the physical manifestations of my younger lifestyle, (I am now older and I ache and I actually get tired), has been an eye-opener. I now am beginning to think that I am going to make it to a ripe old age. I set a new goal to become the grumpy old bastard that I always admired. The old guy who was gruff and short-tempered but would always help you out if you needed it and you knew he was probably not really as grumpy as he acted. But you also knew sometimes he was having fun at your expense.
Reka, my wife, and I do not have kids. So what we do have is more energy and time to consider, reflect, mentor and help. (And for all those with kids, we also have time to sleep, eat long uninterrupted meals, travel and still have time for a little fooling around. (“Ha-Ha,” to be said like Nelson from “The Simpsons” and yes that was a “dick” thing to say.) This time and energy is mostly put to the evil use of building and operating small businesses and making myself feel important. However, now that we have kicked the TV habit, I will begin to express my thoughts and wisdom and actually write more. (This is the intention, however it may come across more as sarcastic rants.)
Who am I kidding? Sarcasm is what this is all about. However, if I can make even one person, other than my Mom, smile or look at a challenge from a different perspective, or go and travel out of their comfort zone, then this new endeavor will be a success. (This is will be my evil subversive plan. If done correctly, no one will even suspect the manipulation) UUUUAAAHHAHAAHAHA (evil laugh)
The evil subversive plan has been born. Now I will begin to cultivate it.